


How does my girlfriend not know how gorgeous she is?

by Sora_yuri45



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Anxiety Issues, Birthday, Established Relationship, F/F, First work - Freeform, Insecure Lena, James "Jimmy" Olsen Bashing, Protective Kara, lena needs a hug, no idea how to tag, selfworth issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24337453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sora_yuri45/pseuds/Sora_yuri45
Summary: It's Kara's birthday and Lena is having trouble expressing her feelings overcome with anxiety and her deeply rooted insecurities.Not a story for fans of James Olsen, sorry.Also it is my first fanfic so please don't be too hard on me. Thanks.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 11
Kudos: 503





	How does my girlfriend not know how gorgeous she is?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction and I am super nervous about it. Comments are appreciated but please keep it constructive.   
> English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes I made. I also didn't proof read because I was too nervous ...hehehe
> 
> I don't own Supergirl or any of the show's characters.

Calling it a sensory overload would be an utter understatement. Blinking flashlights of every color on the palette sprang into Lena’s vision only to vanish a second later and reappear right after. As if that wasn’t disorienting enough there was also a heavy smoke being poured into the mess. Making it not only hard to see but to breath as well. 

As if that attack on her visual sense wasn’t enough, deep thumping music droned from overhung speakers injecting itself directly into her brain. She was not sure she would even call this assortment of random beats and synthetic rhythms music. But most of the parties occupants seemed to disagree, enjoying the current “song”. 

And there was the next thing that made the raven-haired’s nerve endings explode. The sheer amount of people who had stuffed themselves into the respectively small space. It didn’t seem to bother anybody that they were standing pressed closely together with barely enough breathing space let alone room to actually dance. And getting run into constantly because some people could simply not understand that dancing in this limited area was not recommended. 

Mashing that all together Lena was sure she had been thrown into her own personal hell. 

But then she looked up and saw her girlfriend dancing there within her own little bubble with such vigour and abandon. People had consciously or not made her room and she literally flourished with the attention she effortlessly drew to herself.   
Kara was an angel or a goddess, of that Lena was sure. Perfectly curled blonde waves flew through the air when she twirled and had an almost golden touch when the light hit them just right. Lena was mesmerized. Seeing little droplets of sweat roll down the side of the other girl’s face and down her decolté made her mouth instantly sandpaper dry. Yes, Kara seemed to have that effect on the smaller woman constantly. 

All in all it didn’t lessen the anxiety she felt creeping under her skin but it reminded her why she was here. Not for herself but for her.  
She may not be a people person, know all the “songs” or be able to dance without a care in the world. But her girlfriend was. She basically glowed when she was surrounded with people like this and when there was music she was unstoppable. That was what counted. What was important. It was Kara’s special day, her birthday.   
They had celebrated intimately that morning with just the Danvers family and Kelly, Kara’s sister’s girlfriend. Lena had wished they could have continued like that but it wasn’t her decision to make. And after a small pout from the blonde she had found herself agreeing to a trip to the nearest club meeting up with Kara’s friends in the process. 

So here she was feeling uncomfortable and awkward. Not knowing what to do with herself and completely overwhelmed with everything going on around her.   
But she was willing to suffer through anything if it meant the carefree and blissful smile on the blonde’s lips would stay there.

Even if it meant playing down a beginning panic attack with which she was doing a pretty good job she thought. 

“Can you try not to look so miserable?” 

Okay, apparently not that good a job. Lena turned toward the voice and felt her stomach turn.   
It was James, one of Kara’s closer friends. He was tall and muscular built and objectively one could call him attractive. If it just wasn’t for his terrible personality.   
She herself hadn’t had that many interactions with him but from late night talks with her girlfriend she had leaned that once in a very distant past Kara had had a crush on him. It was long over and Lena was not a jealous person but something about the man rubbed her the wrong way. The fact that he also had a very obvious dislike for her did not help. 

“What do you mean, James?” She had to shout over the “music” for him to hear her. 

“It’s Kara’s birthday. You could at least pretend to have fun. I mean, if you didn’t want to come you could have stayed home.” 

Lena was speechless. Had she seemed that obviously uncomfortable? If James had noticed, had Kara too? Feeling a sharp, stabbing pain in her stomach Lena knew to be guilt, she turned around and searched for her girlfriend’s eyes. After a second she found her in the same spot as before looking as ethereally as ever now dancing with her older sister, Alex. She seemed neither bothered nor annoyed.   
Lena breathed a sigh of relief.   
She hadn’t ruined it. Not yet, the self-deprecating part of her brain added.

“She may not have noticed yet but she will, you know.” James said all of a sudden as if reading her mind. He was way too close to her, probably to be heard over the overpowering beats. 

A snarky and witty comeback on her tongue Lena wasn’t able to make it leave her mouth. She wanted to tell him off. To explain to him how wrong he was about her. About Kara. About the two of them. Her brain stopped her though. 

Was he that wrong? After a year of dating the blonde Lena still experienced moments where she asked herself why the youngest Danvers was even with her. How someone as perfect and good-hearted as Kara could love someone as obviously damaged and broken as her. 

She knew she should discuss these doubts with the other girl but she had not yet found the confidence to do so.   
That meant she had to deal with her anxiety alone. She was telling herself it was fine. She had done exactly that for the entirety of her life. Her heart though was tearing in two because she desperately wanted to tell her girlfriend all about her doubts and fears and cry into her strong, steady shoulders.   
But she was not about to ruin what they had by searching for pity and showing weakness.   
It didn’t even matter. Kara mattered. Their relationship mattered. 

“You know, there was a reason why no one ever stayed around you.” 

Lena felt her hands tremble.

“I think your friends are missing you.”  
She hoped she sounded more confident than she felt. He just needed to leave her alone so she could try to get her bearings back. 

He actually looked over his shoulder to a group of absurdly handsome people beckoning for him to come over. She was sure he was about to leave when he leaned down one last time and said : “She will notice. Sooner or later. Everyone around you does.”  
Finally he turned around and made his way to his friends. 

It didn’t bring the relief Lena had hoped for. Instead she was left feeling nauseous. Somehow she had the feeling James had not been speaking about the party or her current situation. 

Her thoughts began to spiral.  
She knew Kara was devoted to her and loved her earnestly. But James comment had triggered something in her that Lena had cultivated throughout her whole life. A whole onslaught of self-deprecating thoughts came crushing down on her.   
How could Kara love someone like her? How was she not sick of her? Was she already sick of her but too nice to say something? When was she going to realise that she could do better? Deserved better? 

The room around her began to spin and close in on her. And her skin while being warm before felt like it was on fire now. Lena had to look down to make sure she had not accidentally caught on fire. Her heart was beating out of her chest and drowned out even the all consuming earth shaking sound of the “music”.  
The raven-haired girl knew from years of experience that nothing would stop the threatening de-escalation of her panic spiral.   
And she was not about to lose it in front of complete strangers and even worse her girlfriend’s friends. 

While she fought her way through wall after wall of faceless human beings, Lena tried to keep her breathing under control.   
Viewed from an outsider’s perspective she might have just looked like someone who had stepped over their alcohol tolerance threshold and was on the way to the bathroom. At least she hoped that was the case and she didn’t look as messed up as she felt. 

Thankfully after an endless amount of time, what probably had not been longer than two minutes but felt like hours, she reached the door.  
Before she went outside though she turned around one last time to make sure nobody had taken note of her hasty escape.

A mistake.

Because in that exact moment she was met with the baby blue eyes of the last person she had wanted to see her leave.   
Kara gave her one of her signature blindingly bright smiles, all pearl white teeth, and threw a cute little wave in for good measure.   
Lena tried to return it but apparently she did not do a good job because the blonde’s face morphed into a frown.   
Confused eyes searched her own for an answer but Lena shook her head. 

“I’m fine.” she mouthed and send the other woman what she hoped was a reassuring smile. 

From the look on her girlfriend’s face she didn’t seem convinced. 

“Please, don’t worry.” 

The blonde still seemed sceptic but to Lena’s relief turned around to her sister and shout-whispered something in her ear. The two continued the conversation and the raven-haired girl was satisfied to finally take her leave.  
She stepped out of the chaos of the party and into the blissfully cool and crisp air outside. 

Finally she could take a breath without feeling like she was suffocating, even though the freezing air felt like pins and needles in her throat.

For the occasion she had chosen to dress more for the aesthetic than the comfort. The dreamy glazed over look her girlfriend had sported, had proved her decision right. And for indoors it had been good too, but now standing outside in the November air in just the tight green dress she had chosen she was rethinking that. It barely reached over her knees and therefore allowed the wind to cool her down pretty quickly. 

While her clattering teeth told another story, her overheated skin thanked her. And the cold shock had another positive effect. It cleared her brain at least somewhat from the haze her anxiety had cast over it. Now she was able to think a little clearer. 

Lena took a few more deep breaths trying to squelch the remaining bits of anxiety that made her stomach nauseous and her lungs heavy.   
Just as she had almost calmed down again, a thought hit her. 

She had managed to evade breaking down inside the club but what now. They had been here for barely two hours and it wasn’t even midnight. There was no way people would want to leave already. And while Kara would probably comply with her wishes to leave Lena couldn’t ask her to. Not on her birthday. Well, honestly not ever. After all she didn’t want the blonde to see her as a burden. 

So asking Kara was off the table. Simply leaving was also not an option for obvious reasons. 

On the other hand Lena was sure she could not go back in there without being reduced to a shaking, hyperventilating mess. 

So she stayed where she was. Standing in a dark alley beside the trash cans. In the cold. Internally debating if she could continue to celebrate her girlfriend’s birthday with her or if she should bail. 

She was a grown woman for god’s sake and still she felt powerless. 

James’ words resounded in her mind. She will notice sooner or later. Maybe now was later. Maybe now Kara would realize the thing Lena had always known to be true. Lena was broken beyond repair and the blonde was too good for her. Always had been, always would be.   
Perhaps it was time to admit defeat and face reality. 

In that moment Lena heard the door behind her open. She really did not need company right now. Turning around to see which cigarette depraved college girl had chosen this particular alley as their place to indulge their vices, she almost shrieked when she found no other than her blonde girlfriend standing there.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Kara said apparently reading the shock in her face.

Lena wanted to assure her that it was okay but the words escaped her. Fate really had it in for her tonight. She had escaped the humiliation of a public breakdown only to get caught by the one person she did not want to see her like this. 

“It’s fine.”

Her voice sounded nothing like her. The hoarse tone seemed to make Kara believe the improbable statement even less.   
So Lena decided to change tactics. She would not be able to convincingly lie to Kara so she would just change the topic. 

“Why did you come out here? I’m sure there are a lot of people in there desperate for your company.”

“Yeah, probably.” 

Lena felt Kara move to her side. They weren’t touching but she felt the heat radiating from the blonde. She was desperate to move closer to that warmth and be wrapped up in it. She was just so cold. 

“I saw James talking to you.”

Lena’s breath got caught in her throat. How was that possible? She had been sure that her girlfriend had not noticed the exchange between them. That had been the one good thing that had happened tonight. And even that some higher power took away from her. Why was this happening?

“It’s fine.” A meaningless sentiment. 

“Stop.”  
If Lena had not been so over the top attentive, she would not have heard the word. It had been barely above a whisper.   
Turning to finally face her girlfriend she was startled to see a frown edged into her usually so serene features. 

“Just stop, Lena!”   
The words were said with so much anger and frustration that Lena was finding it hard to believe they were coming from the peace loving reporter. 

“I-”   
She began but was immediately cut of by the blonde. 

“No! Now it’s my turn.”   
The reporter took a deep breath and looked deep into emerald eyes. 

“I don’t know what James said to you exactly but knowing him it wasn’t anything nice. Believe me, I did not want to invite him. But he is a good friend of Lucy’s and he works at CatCo too. I kind of had too. Still I know he is a giant prick. He hasn’t gotten the memo yet, that him and me will never happen.”   
At Lena’s surprised look she continued. “Yeah, smartass. I know he has a thing for me. And I have tried to discourage him in it every chance I get. But like I said. He didn’t get the message yet.” 

Somehow hearing these words a giant flood of relief washed over Lena. She felt like she could breathe a bit easier now. 

Of course she had known that Kara loved her and that she was nothing but faithful to her but there had always been this little voice in the back of her mind that told her: Maybe. Maybe Kara was only with her because she pitied her. Maybe she was far more interested in a relationship with the photographer. Maybe, maybe, maybe…  
This little inkling of doubt had fed her insecurities for months now. And just like that, with a simple statement of her lover she had found a little peace. 

“And it hurts that you have so little faith in my love and even more important that you have such little confidence in yourself. Lena, you are gorgeous and sexy. You are the most intelligent person I know and you have such an amazing and kind heart. I am lucky that you chose me to be with you. I know that you probably don’t notice but whenever you walk into a room all eyes are on you. Because you are basically a dream come true. And believe me, it gets annoying fast when I have to mark my territory every time but it is so worth it. Because, babe, you are worth it.”

Lena was speechless. Not only from the realization that she had hurt Kara with her insecurity but also from the fact that she had not been the only one that worried.

“I never noticed. I thought they were all looking at you. I mean I could hardly blame them. You are amazing.” 

Kara smiled softly while shaking her head. Of course, her oblivious girlfriend would not even be aware of the obvious stares that followed her basically everywhere. And while that was very endearing and so very Lena, it also made her sad. How could this in her eyes perfect woman not know how beautiful she was inside and out? 

“So are you, baby. So are you. You do know that right?” 

Lena diverted her eyes to the ground and mumbled something that Kara wasn’t able to pick up. 

Softly she lifted the raven-haired woman’s chin with her finger, so she could look into these wonderful green eyes.  
“You are amazing. And smart. And beautiful. And kind. And so much more. I love you, Lena. With all I got.” 

Tears build in Lena’s eyes and finally for the first time tonight they spilled over. Not being strong enough anymore she threw herself forward into the warm and comforting embrace of those strong arms. “I love you. You’re safe. Everything is going to be alright.”, the blonde whispered softly into her girlfriend’s ears while the slightly smaller woman sobbed into her shoulder. 

This was definitely not how she had imagined her birthday night going. But she was happy nonetheless. Because, while she never wished to see the terrified and desperate look she had seen tonight in Lena’s eyes, she was happy to finally have talked about the CEO’s feelings and her insecurities. Kara had long since guessed that her girlfriend wasn’t as confident as she seemed but had struggled to start a conversation on the topic without putting pressure on her. 

Now it was as if a weight had been lifted off of her and she was quite sure that was also the case for Lena. 

Judging from the quieting sobs against her shoulder Lena was calming down slightly.   
“I’m sorry.” Kara smiled. “Darling, you have nothing to apologize for.” 

Slowly Lena lifted her face of her girlfriend’s shoulder. She probably had mascara running down her cheeks and her eyes felt puffy and red. She surely looked like a mess. 

“But I ruined your birthday party.” 

“What makes you think that? I am spending time with my girlfriend, holding her in my arms and getting to kiss her.” To empathize her words Kara leaned down brushing her lips over Lena’s tenderly. 

Lena pressed herself into the blonde’s body even more chasing those soft and inviting lips on instinct. Too soon they retreated stretched into a full on grin.  
“See? How could that not be a perfect birthday?” 

Lena wanted to argue. Wanted to make the blonde see how selfish she had been to dump all her feelings on her. But looking into these piercing blue eyes she could bring herself to. Because all she saw there was love, affection and warm reassurance. 

And for the first time in a long, long time Lena felt it was okay to be selfish. 

“Could we go home? I want to hold you and I want you to show me how much you love me and for me to show you.” 

Kara’s eyes shone impossibly bright with love and pure, pure happiness. 

“I would want nothing more right now. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Quickly Kara told Alex that she and Lena were leaving early and by the accompanying smirk the redhead sported her sister knew exactly what they were leaving for. 

On her way to the exit Kara saw James watching them with disdain in his eyes. Overcome with a wave of protectiveness and possessiveness she pulled Lena into her and kissed her. Really kissed her. Deep, passionate and still with so much love. The slightly dazed and glazed over look Lena sported when they pulled apart made her suddenly forget James and everything around her. This woman was hers. 

Smiling dumbly and lovingly at each other the supercorp pair left the party to stumble home in each others arms exchanging sweet nothings and kisses the whole way. 

Lena’s insecurities didn’t vanish after that night but she got better at expressing them and thanks to Kara she even began to believe that she was worthy of love and happiness. Worthy of Kara.


End file.
